So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize