Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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