I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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