Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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