I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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