i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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