my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
