So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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