why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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