so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
