dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
