Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
