What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
