A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
