Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
