Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
