Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
