My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
