In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
soo... how was my night?
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