I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
