I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
