is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
