i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
