Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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