I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
