I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
