maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
