"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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