glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
