So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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