Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
