oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
