i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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