saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
