She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
