3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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