plz talk dirty to me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
