If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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