Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
