a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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