I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
