Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
