so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
