I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
