Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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