AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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