He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
