Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
