Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
