i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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