So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
