Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
