Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
