You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
