i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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