please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
