My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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