Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
