What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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