Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
