Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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