She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My cat gives me a boner
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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