so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
