The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
