She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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