I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
