the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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